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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23013454">Yin or: Inside the Much More Insignificant Part of the Whole</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyInTheSkye/pseuds/LucyInTheSkye'>LucyInTheSkye</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sirius x Remus [31]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aftercare, Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Anal Gaping, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Dom/sub Undertones, Insecurity, Lack of Communication, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Mentions of Hard Kinks, Mild Painkink, Multiple Orgasms, Name-Calling, Nipple Play, Pet Names, Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Rough Sex, Undernegotiated Kink, Verbal Humiliation, Wet &amp; Messy, Working Through Sexual Incompatibility</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:07:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,202</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23013454</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyInTheSkye/pseuds/LucyInTheSkye</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>February 1980. Remus's mind is a complicated place. There's a clash of interests, but it’s just sex, isn’t it?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sirius x Remus [31]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1483745</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>91</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Yin or: Inside the Much More Insignificant Part of the Whole</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You want it hard tonight, don’t you?”</p><p>Remus fell backwards, but with his body arching towards Sirius even as he bounced back onto the mattress. Sirius grinned at him from above, all lust and mischief, then pulled his shirt over his head. Remus wet his lips, watched with the anxiety and the adoration a real deity would have been owed. Apollo was smiling from behind those teasing, grey eyes though, that confidence, that beauty, that ability, it had always been a bit too much to be purely human. And surely, no pure human would willingly lie with a beast… Remus held his breath; eyes drawn to Sirius’s hand on his flies. The zip was loud in the quiet of the room, and after, when his handsome erection was revealed, Remus moaned, his eyes pleading with worship.</p><p>Remus leaned back as his lover got on top, began unbuttoning Remus’s shirt. Sirius was so stunning like this, completely otherworldly when he bared his skin, when his diamond-like eyes went impossibly soft when they wandered all over Remus. </p><p>“What would my beautiful little love like tonight?”</p><p>Remus didn’t flinch. He was getting used to the pet names, didn’t react as strongly anymore when he was called beautiful. It wasn’t him, it didn’t fit, but there also wasn’t any other place for those words to go, and it wasn’t as if Sirius ever stopped saying them. Remus didn’t get any rest. They filled up their bedroom, their whole flat, the very air around Remus when he walked. He couldn’t hide from them because as soon as they faded, there were new ones. Pretty, and precious, and brilliant, and gorgeous, and darling. They never left him, even if he couldn’t quite let them in.</p><p>“Your slut,” Remus told him hoarsely, needing Sirius to understand what sort of a day this was, what things he craved. It happened sometimes, and never before the full moon. But sometimes, when the wolf was really, truly asleep. Sometimes…</p><p>“Yeah?” Sirius smiled sweetly at him, one hand cupping his neck, other hand busy with Remus’s flies. It was quite the undertaking as Remus was as big and stiff as he could possibly get.</p><p>“Can you, with words? And rough me up a bit.”</p><p>Sirius left his dick and took his face in both hands, kissing him deeply. Remus kissed back with not a little desperation, wondered confusedly how he could already be so utterly out of breath, with his heartbeat rabbiting away like the wolf maybe was there, after all. Listening in to Remus’s guilty, human desires. Judging him for them.</p><p>“Remember to tell me ‘no’ or ‘stop’, or to push me away or shake your head or something. If I overdo it, as soon as you’re not comfortable anymore.”</p><p>Remus frowned, because he hated this part.  </p><p>“If you need it to stop or just if you want a break; a cuddle, or you want to change the mood. Yeah?”</p><p>Sirius was staring demandingly into his eyes, and Remus looked away quickly before he could more than begin to register the concern that was there underneath. </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>Sirius kissed him again, and Remus wondered for possibly the first time how difficult this was for Sirius. Sirius who liked worshipping his body, who never left love bites on him unless he begged for it, who sometimes spelled the soreness away from his lips if he thought they looked too kiss-swollen. Sirius’s discomfort was a very foreign thought, but fortunately his lover’s hands were back on his open trousers, thumbs stroking tantalizingly on bare skin. If there was one thing that could be said for Sirius, it was that he was <em>very</em> accommodating when it came to the sexual desires of others. </p><p>“Mmm, what have here, then?”</p><p>Sirius pulled back, and Remus raised his neck eagerly, guiltily. </p><p>“Nuhuh, you’re staying right there. Right where I put you.”</p><p>Remus shivered and put his head back on the pillow. He couldn’t see any of the excitement like this, just the newly indigo-painted ceiling and an unfocused vision of Sirius’s black head of hair if he really strained his eyes. Couldn’t see what Sirius was looking at. He felt the pad of a finger travel up his bloated cock, root to tip. It jolted joyously from the barely-there touch.</p><p>“Hmm. Are you worked up for something? Were you hoping I was going to play with this for you?”</p><p>Remus felt it as if he’d been slapped, his cheeks blossomed and his ribcage froze for seconds before his lungs stuttered back into action.</p><p>“You’re the kind of slag that offers this up left right and centre, aren’t you? You get hard and show off your nasty erection and beg others to touch it, don’t you? Your huge, dripping dick and you think other people want to see it?”</p><p>Remus tried to whine but he was completely tongue-tied. Sirius teased him with his fingers, made them dance up and down his hefty length. Then a finger hit upon the idea to get in between dick and foreskin, forcing its way in, wiggling. Remus couldn’t breathe; faced with a sensation that was odd and a bit dangerous and really good, all at once.</p><p>“Your poor little dickhead looks so vulnerable,” Sirius told him. “Pink and shiny, and yeah, there you go…” </p><p>Remus managed a proper whine when he felt beads of precum force their way out. Sirius pushed an unforgiving thumb on the little slit, rubbed minutely and much too hard. Remus’s whine grew exponentially in volume.</p><p>“Getting wet for it like a girl. Nobody could confuse you for a sweet, modest little girl, though, could they? You know why, right?”</p><p>Remus was trembling, it really seemed as if he would have to come like this. Barely touched at all, just a careless finger shoved down his foreskin, and another on his glans, giving him the most excruciating pleasure possible.</p><p>“It’s because of the size of your dick, Remus.”</p><p>Remus sobbed.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s right. You’ve got such a gigantic dick that nobody really sees anything else about you. That’s all you are, a needy, leaking, stiff prick.”</p><p>Sirius rubbed just that little bit harder and Remus pushed his hips into the mattress as hard as he could, by now feeling as if he was hanging onto the very last thread of his sanity.</p><p>“I can feel you pulse in my hand. Fucking throbbing, that’s how ready you are to show everyone what a slut you are. It’s the only thing you can accomplish, anyway, so why not do it? Just spill a bit of semen on yourself, let me see you dirty up your stomach.”</p><p>Remus came as if on command, hot wet pulses that went everywhere, curtesy of Sirius’s thumb that was still rubbing on his slit. Remus’s eyes were moist by the end of it, eyelashes sticking together. He had no idea if he had said something, screamed or made noises for his lover. His hips sank back down onto the mattress.</p><p>Sirius’s mouth gave his cockhead a sticky kiss, and Remus could feel his foreskin being pulled up, milking the last drops out of him. Another kiss.</p><p>“Good?”</p><p>“More.”</p><p>Remus’s hips jerked when he was kissed again, then swallowed whole, hard suction on his softening dick. He thought he might be sobbing once more but his inhuman refractory period meant he would enjoy this in another few seconds. Those few seconds were pure torture, though. It was exactly what he wanted.</p><p>Sirius got off him with a vulgar, slurping noise and Remus’s length flapped down onto his stomach, settling between old streaks of come.</p><p>“Getting hard again already. You really are begging to be used as a sextoy, aren’t you? Part come-dispenser, part stiff rod for anyone who fancies a go. Not much of a life, I wouldn’t think, but since your only ambition in life is whoring yourself out…”</p><p>Two hands took Remus’s thighs and his legs were yanked open. Remus twisted his fingers into the sheets. Sirius’s hands held his legs still, like he was keeping him in place.</p><p>Keeping him spread open.</p><p>“You’ve got another use, don’t you? It’s easy to forget that you’re not a one-trick pony after all. You can take dick in your greedy little arsehole, can’t you?”</p><p>Remus nodded shamefacedly at the ceiling. His colour was travelling down from his face again, making his neck and his chest dark and pink. Probably the same colour as his viciously thrumming erection, but Remus wasn’t looking. Wasn’t <em>allowed</em> to look. He shivered.</p><p>Sirius moved a bit and then Remus felt a blunt, huge tongue pressing its way in. He moaned and moved and held his legs spread so, so wide. His rim rarely worked up much of a resistance to Sirius, and tonight was no exception. Sirius’s tongue plunged inside, swirling and pressing at the sheer walls, feeling its way around and loosening Remus up at the same time. Soon there were moans and slurping and spit dripping and wetting Remus’s sensitive skin. Remus fumbled with the sheets; they wanted to touch his dick or his nipples, but he also wasn’t ready to give himself that. Sirius would no doubt get to both in time, and besides he didn’t much like touching himself. The urge was there, but the payoff of doing it himself could never compare to what Sirius could give him.</p><p>“Accio lube.”</p><p>Remus exhaled, then his breath hitched when Sirius gave him a rough lick all the way between his arse cheeks and a sloppy kiss on his bollocks. </p><p>“Your hole is winking at me,” Sirius told him wickedly. “It’s clenching and opening like another little beggar. You’ve taught it well, haven’t you? It begs better than your mouth does. Wants the same thing, too.”</p><p>Sirius pushed something warm and blunt against Remus’s hole, tested the give. It gave and Remus made a pathetic noise.</p><p>“You’ve been taken so many times it wouldn’t really matter if I took you raw, would it?” Sirius told him conversationally. Something colder and harder was at Remus’s opening now, and he felt himself yield for it just the same. He diagnosed it as two fingers coated thoroughly in lube. </p><p>Remus sighed and felt his hole relax further. It liked this, liked Sirius having his way with it. The fingers were gentle just now, petting him on the inside was what it felt like.</p><p>“Quite the experienced arsehole, isn’t it?” Sirius asked and it made Remus blush again from humiliation. His hole clenched just once, then relaxed again. “That’s what happens if you’re slutty enough, and Merlin knows you are. How many times have you been fucked, do you reckon?”</p><p>Remus bit his lip while his head provided him with shameful approximations. Never mind there had never been anyone but Sirius; fact remained Sirius had had him over and over, bent him in half across every bit of furniture, had even had his perverted way with him outdoors…</p><p>“Over and over,” Sirius echoed gently, adding another finger with a squelch of lube. “You want it several times a day, sometimes. Your hole is a filthy little mess by now. Just vile to think of; the amount of times you’ve been penetrated and filled up with come. I know it’s all you’re good for, but still. You could have kept some semblance of virtue.”</p><p>Three fingers were rather a lot, in particular if they kept hitting one’s prostate. Every jab made his dick jolt, made Remus spurt so much precum onto his stomach that it looked like he was coming. Maybe he was, he could feel little contractions that made pleasure pool in his tummy, made his head dizzy and heavy.</p><p>“And then there’s the wolf to consider.”</p><p>Sirius slowed down, and Remus scrambled around angrily with his fingers in the sweaty sheets. Sirius wasn’t allowed to stop talking and fingering him now, this was when things might get truly forbidden. Suddenly Sirius had his clammy hand in his, Sirius’s free hand, that is, not the one that was three fingers deep in Remus’s naughty bits. Remus squeezed it eagerly and felt Sirius pick up the pace with his other hand, producing lewd, rhythmic, squelching noises.</p><p>“What would the wolf say if he knew what a slut you are?”</p><p>Remus’s breath hitched and he felt a soft press on his hand. He returned it quickly.</p><p>“He’s the big, proud alpha of the forest, isn’t he, and you mewl like a bitch when I hold you down and spray my come over you.”</p><p>Remus gulped for air, felt Sirius knit their fingers together.</p><p>“You get your arse fucked full of come so often that nobody would be surprised if you got preggers, even with your lack of a womb. It drips out of your filthy hole at all times, doesn’t it, your body begs for it and keeps you loaded with it and churns it around inside. You turn into an absolute come bucket as soon as the wolf isn’t around, but what if he knew that you’re the one taking it, not the one dishing it out?”</p><p>Remus wondered feverishly, through his absolute shame and mortification, if his prick hadn’t turned into granite by mistake. Surely flesh and blood couldn’t get as hard as this? It hurt.</p><p>“Would he be pleased with how cheap and slutty his human is? You’d let me do anything, wouldn’t you?”</p><p>Remus squeezed Sirius’s hand and moaned resoundingly. His prostate was so swollen now it was bound to deliver the mother of all orgasms in a second, just a few more bad words from his lover and he’d be in utter bliss. Away with the hurt, in with the pleasure…</p><p>“You’ve let me fist you already, think the wolf would like it if he knew you’re so desperate to be filled that you’ll take any old bodypart up your bum?”</p><p>So damned close, he could feel it build, his balls were drawing up…</p><p>“You’d be dirtier than that as well. You swallow come all the time, but I bet you’d drink my piss, too.”</p><p>Remus's every muscle strained, neck flailed from side to side, his jaw clenched.</p><p>“Oh yes you would. You’d be a greedy little piss whore as long as I promised to use your sloppy fuckhole afterwards. Rub lukewarm piss into your hair while I wrecked your hole.”</p><p>It was agony.</p><p>“I could restrain your arms, tie your legs up and leave you exposed. You’d love that, wouldn’t you, you’d beg me to put my hands around your throat and squeeze down or to fuck you with a bag over your head. You’d come like that. You’d let other people do you like that, too.”</p><p>Remus could see stars now, fireworks going off in his head, sparks travelling up his spine, his balls filled to burst. </p><p>“You’d get on all fours for anyone. I could change into Padfoot right now and you’d arch your back for him, let him rut into you and take you for his bitch. And then what would the wolf say? His human, so desperate he let himself be used as a comerag by a domesticated dog.”</p><p>Remus came hard and wet and untouched. Hard enough his eyesight went for seconds, wet enough he managed to get come all the way up to his neck. And so damnably untouched. The fingers in his behind stilled, then moved out in what was clearly a caress.</p><p>“You stunning, perfect little thing, let me just…”</p><p>He was kissed and cradled, but it didn’t help his whole body from baulking at the sudden sensation of an empty arsehole.</p><p>“Not done, not done, more,” he pleaded, eyes sticky with unshed tears and his mouth not an inch from Sirius’s lips.</p><p>“Don’t you think we should…?”</p><p>“More, please,” Remus said thickly. “I don’t want the last thing to be…”</p><p>“Too much, was it?”</p><p>Remus had expected himself to reply in the affirmative, to lock that particular image away forever. Instead he blushed, and his dick made a valiant effort to get up again. He really hoped Sirius hadn’t seen that.</p><p>“You’re hard,” Remus muttered, because Sirius was poking him in the side, “and you could also…” Remus licked his lips, his eyes had hit upon Sirius’s hand. Three fingers were shiny with lube, still.</p><p>“Not sore?” Sirius asked, dealing plush kisses to his jaw and neck.</p><p>“I want to be sore.”</p><p>Sirius paused, presumably recognizing just like Remus did that this was where they could never see eye to eye. Then he latched onto Remus’s neck, no longer gentle. Remus’s whole body erupted in goose bumps and his dick was straining towards his stomach again. At Remus’s elated moan, Sirius bit down.</p><p>“Mark me up, please,” Remus got out, teeth digging into him, instinctually scrambling away from the hurt and moaning anew when Sirius didn’t let him, when Sirius held him down and gnawed and sucked and continued to abuse the soft skin. </p><p>Sirius’s hand went to his stomach to get a better grip, then stopped when it encountered Remus’s fresh and severely agitated erection. </p><p>“Hmm.” Sirius released the stinging patch of skin and licked carefully over it while his hand felt up Remus. Remus was trying and failing to get his breathing under control. His dick throbbed, happy despite the overexertion to be back in Sirius’s hand. Sirius bit into his scalp, right into his hair. </p><p>“Fuck me, fist me,” Remus got out. He wanted to shut his eyes because his conscious mind was worried he would see reluctance, or maybe even just plain old disgust in his lover’s eyes. Sirius moved quicker than expected, released his hair and was suddenly nose to nose with Remus, getting heavily on top. </p><p>They stared at each other for several seconds and Remus barely dared to breathe. Sirius had told him 'no' just once before, and he could tell that they were on the edge of the second.</p><p>“You’re not actually hurting me,” Remus said in a small voice. “Just words and… I know we’re just pretending.”</p><p>“Do you?” </p><p>Remus nodded as decisively as he could. His body knew, his body was still experiencing waves of arousal from being naked in the same space as Sirius. And his head… Well. His head was never going to be a straightforward place.</p><p>“<em>This gets me off</em>.”</p><p>Sirius’s eyes finally smiled a little. He rubbed his nose gently into Remus’s while he mulled it over.</p><p>“Me calling you a slag and biting you and fucking you with my fist is what gets my gorgeous darling off today.”</p><p>The endearment sat badly with him; the rest was an embarrassing clarification of the shameful truth of his current state of mind. Remus blushed and shimmied his hips until his erection found a comfortable spot in the hollow by Sirius’s hipbone. </p><p>“You want me to fuck you full of spunk and then to punch through it with my fist?” Sirius whispered; voice still sweet from before which made it rather surreal. Remus felt his heartrate pick up and he found himself spreading his legs and pulling up his arms up so that his wrists crossed above his head. Sirius kissed his mouth briefly, ignored the invitation Remus’s hands gave and pushed himself up.</p><p>“All fours, slut, surely you’re familiar with that position?”</p><p>Remus scrambled up and turned around on all fours. He spread his legs and felt his breath hitch when Sirius took his thighs and made him spread them a bit more.</p><p>“That’s it,” Sirius whispered and stroked him up the back of his legs, up his arse cheeks, up his back. Remus tried to arch his back as best he could, tried to make himself attractive. Then he blushed with renewed humiliation, because that, right there, was a lost cause. He could be a fucktoy, yes, but not a pretty one. Just a used, cheap one.</p><p>“Perfect like this,” Sirius said softly, parting his cheeks and giving Remus’s crack a lewd, doggy lick, “this is where you belong. On your knees and spread open, pretty back arching and your head hanging low because you know what’s going to happen. I’m going to abuse your hole until it gapes, until its puffy and wet both out and in, until you can only dream of closing it. And you’ll come from it.”</p><p>Remus made loud noises of pleasure and felt Sirius’s mouth on him again. The words rolled around in his head while Sirius swiped his broad, wet tongue up and down, up and down, then pressed in and played around inside, teased the sensitive walls and the eagerly spasming rim. Sirius finished by spitting on it and Remus whined and squirmed. </p><p>“Stay,” Sirius whispered into his soft behind. Remus’s dick twitched with interest.</p><p>There were slick, gross noises of a fist on a well-lubed cock and Remus held his breath while he listened. His arms were beginning to shake. He was prodded, then entered in one, fluid motion.</p><p>“Mmmm…” he got out, arched his back eagerly while Sirius’s sticky hands palmed his sides, smoothed over his shoulder blades and finally went down to tease his nipples. He was gloriously full of cock, although he was quickly growing desperate for friction. Sirius’s groin was flush against his bum and he seemed to be in no hurry to draw back out.</p><p>“Feels good for you, doesn’t it?” Sirius said quietly. </p><p>Remus made a hurried nose of agreement, although he didn’t know if it was the penetration or the fingers massaging his chest that was being referred to.</p><p>“Big, slutty hole and sensitive, tiny nipples,” Sirius continued, easing into a grip that grew tight before he twisted. Remus pushed his chest forwards, then back, but Sirius wasn’t letting go, pinching and pulling on his nubs. “You can usually come from a bit of nipple torture, can’t you?” Sirius continued. </p><p>Remus wished his lover would go through with it and actually bruise them, rather than just toy with them. He could feel his brain slipping into that blissful mindset, however, and he pretended that the fingers were punishingly hard, pinching with sharp nails and pulling with force enough that Remus had to thrash around on the bed, had to follow Sirius’s unforgiving hands. Pretended that the dick in his arse was monstrously large and digging too deep into him, pretended that he was going to be spanked and held down and strangled.</p><p>Sirius finally began to move, and he was making the thrust deliciously rough. Remus made happy noises and pressed back, then felt Sirius almost pull out before he slammed all the way back inside. There was a lot of lube spilling out and as usual Remus’s hole was very accommodating anyway, but he could focus on the friction, on the rough way his rim was treated, on the obscene noise of their bodies slapping together. And his nipples were still being groped in time with the thrusts.</p><p>“It’s like I’m milking a cow, this,” Sirius told him, barely out of breath. “Fucking and milking a needy beast.”</p><p>The words were foul and he could feel his balls drawing up. His nipples were growing sore now, finally, and that was exactly the sort of pain Remus liked. A few more tugs and suddenly he had to get a hand on his dick, had to tug it in time to his nipples.</p><p>“Ahhh…”</p><p>“Make a dirty mess for me, come on, milk that spunk out of your cock, get it all over the bed!”</p><p>Remus did, although he had to relinquish his grip when his orgasm overtook him because he wasn’t steady enough on one arm. He moaned brokenly and felt Sirius’s hand go to his stomach, holding him up. His other hand was smoothing over Remus’s sweaty head of hair, almost petting him. Remus’s released nipples throbbed in time with his dick, but he mostly just felt Sirius’s soft hands caressing him while he came.</p><p>Remus blinked and found his bearings again and forced himself to push back, getting the harsh rhythm going again. His dick was painfully overexerted, and now that it wasn’t very hard anymore it was flapping about uselessly and the slaps were little stabs of pain and pleasure. Remus’s hole was very tender by now, and his prostate was aching.</p><p>“Let’s fuck you into the mattress?” Sirius muttered, sounding laboured but too kind for what Remus’s mind was trying to twist the sex into. He let Sirius lower him down, hands on Remus’s shoulders, let him push Remus’s chest and face into the blankets. Remus purposefully twisted his arms behind his back, crossed his wrists over the small of his back. He felt Sirius pause for an excruciating second, then grip his wrists and continue fucking into him. Hard. It felt dirty to lie on sheets drenched in sweat and come, lube all between his legs, and he squirmed and felt the wetness gross and direct on his skin. He must look so used now, used to the point where surely nobody would want to have him anymore. Sirius would use his hole to come in and then he would have served his purpose... His nipples were sending jolts of arousal through his body and he couldn’t help but rub his chest into the sheets while Sirius restrained his hands and shagged him deep and fast.</p><p>“So good… Mmm…”</p><p>Sirius’s released him and put a hand on his neck instead, caressed it and held him down just a little while his hips stuttered and came to a messy, wet halt. Remus felt his lover’s dick slip out of him, felt the last pulse of come hit his arse cheek. Sirius’s free hand found the spillage and rubbed it in. Remus could feel himself throb and overflow and it sent more shockwaves of arousal through his body, settling in the pit of his stomach. He imagined Sirius’s strong fingers clenching around his neck, cutting off his air supply.</p><p>“Your fist, please, Sirius.”</p><p>“Mmm,” Sirius said again. Remus listened to his laboured breaths and twisted his neck to get Sirius’s fingers on his throat. They stroked him carefully and he pressed into them as well as he could. Sirius’s body felt good and heavy on him.</p><p>“You’re beautiful,” Sirius said while he bent down, all of his muscular body covering Remus and his mouth searching over the side of Remus’s face. Remus turned, found his chin cradled sweetly in Sirius’s palm, opened his mouth and let Sirius taste him. Sirius’s other hand caressed his torso, pressing between the wet sheets and Remus’s skinny body, moving up his belly and stopping just short of a stiff, yearning nipple. Cupping his heart.</p><p>“That’s it,” Sirius mumbled against his tongue. They could both feel Remus’s heart pound.</p><p>“’M so open,” Remus got out, immediately feeling his embarrassment mount. “Want it, Sirius.”</p><p>“Gorgeous baby,” Sirius told him, gave his mouth a final lick, his heart a final caress. “Let me see.”</p><p>He got up and Remus followed suit, got up on all, trembling fours. His body was exhausted but oh so open. So open. His behind surely wouldn't be good for anything anymore, besides Sirius's big hand.</p><p>“You look very nice with my spunk in your belly,” Sirius said playfully. “Filled up and spilling over.”</p><p>Remus made a noise of agreement that then turned into something embarrassingly sensual when Sirius kissed him there. It was quite shocking that he would want to put his mouth there. He heard his lover smack his lips appreciatively, then the opening of the cork to the lube bottle. </p><p>“I like you wet,” Sirius told him while he poured lube over Remus’s bum, cold slippery liquid over his globes and in his crack. Remus moaned and squirmed for his lover. “Rub it in, make your juicy bum shiny and sexy.”</p><p>Remus arched into Sirius’s hands and let him massage the soft, fatty tissue until it was wet all over. Sirius grabbed his cheeks from underneath and shook them and made them move. Remus could feel his exposed, smarting hole leak semen and he got violently red in the face again. </p><p>“So hot,” Sirius muttered, relinquishing his hold but putting both thumbs by Remus’s spasming hole instead, holding it wide open and with his face so near Remus could feel his breath on his sensitive, lubed-up skin. Remus hung his head and inadvertently got a view of his underside. His dick was twitching and filling out again, almost numb from coming too many times in too short a space of time, but apparently incapable of ignoring what was happening to Remus’s hole. Remus felt the tip of Sirius’s togue, watched the tip of his own penis intently as a tiny pearl of precum appeared. While he watched, Sirius’s hand slipped down, fondled his balls and got them wet with the abundance of lube. Remus sighed contentedly, felt Sirius’s soft tongue in his open hole, felt Sirius fumbling until his hand got to the root of Remus’s cock, gave the whole thing a wet, firm stroke. </p><p> “Mmm…” Remus’s eyes fell shut from the pleasure. His cock nudged against his belly, full of hot blood once more. His arms were shaking too much and he got down on his elbows, let his head rest in the pillows.</p><p>“Soft or hard?”</p><p>“Hard,” Remus requested immediately. It was that kind of day for him. He heard the bottle of lube opening again.</p><p>“Gonna dip my fingers into your used hole. You’re so fucked open and oozing with spunk that you're going to get my hands filthy. Look at that, my fingers are just wading through old, dirty come. What an easy slut you are, love.”</p><p>Remus panted into the pillows and tried to figure out how many fingers there were. Three at least, he thought, shivering as several of them petted gently against his sensitive walls, not quite by his abused prostate but close. He muffled a shout when there was more lube poured directly over the hand penetrating him, cool lube slipping directly into his insides.</p><p>“You should see yourself,” Sirius whispered, “failing pathetically to clench shut. You're gaping open for me and showing off how pretty and pink you are. Your rim is giving up completely, it’s so loose I can do whatever I want to you.”</p><p>Remus’s hips began to move of their own volition, fucking himself on Sirius’s fingers. The feeling of knuckles pressing into his sore insides, forcing his rim further open was the best forbidden fruit there was. On the edge of ruin, and who knew if he'd passed that edge already. </p><p>“That’s it, work yourself open for me. What a whore. You really can’t help yourself, you always need to be stuffed full. Desperate, greedy fuck-hole.”</p><p>Remus felt another finger, stilled for it, and then groaned with humiliation and shock when he realized that it was Sirius’s thumb. He was getting the fifth and last finger already, he was so open he could take all of it.</p><p>“Feel that?”</p><p>Remus moaned and undulated, felt Sirius’s fist squirming against his rim, partly in and partly out, and oh how Remus wanted all of it inside of him.</p><p>Sirius’s free hand took his dick, gave it a lazy tug while Remus rubbed up against his knuckles. </p><p>“Can’t believe you get hard for this, Remus. Is this how you get off when you masturbate? You think about being used as a glove puppet?”</p><p>Remus sobbed into the pillow and with a final heave he felt Sirius’s hand slip much further inside…</p><p>“Fuck.”</p><p>Remus squeezed down and felt his overworked rim clench around Sirius’s wrist.</p><p>“Move!” he got out, then moved his own hips to help them get a rhythm going. He wanted to feel more, wanted that excruciating stretch over and over. Wanted to work his opening until it couldn't close anymore.</p><p>Sirius was predictably gentle, mostly following Remus’s movements, but twisting his hand just a little which gave a bit of friction. Remus managed to push back earlier than Sirius expected and felt the hand inside sink deeper. It was bad and wrong and he made wild, incoherent noises while Sirius’s hand massaged his prick. It was building, although it felt as if it shouldn’t be possible to come with something this thick inside him, like he was bound to hurt himself if he climaxed around Sirius’s hand. That thought invaded him and made him breathless before he stilled, knees and head pressing into the sheets, mouth hanging open and gurgling.</p><p>“Fuck, that’s it love, come for me, come on, I can feel you coming, <em>fuck</em>!”</p><p>Remus barely stayed conscious through it, pulse after pulse of equally high intensity throughout his body and with his poor cock spurting painfully into the sheets. The muscles in his behind churned and churned, gripping Sirius like a vice, and Sirius kept so still for him, petting his dick and shushing and whispering sweet things that filled the space around them, some maybe even slipping into the space inside Remus’s head. </p><p>“Breathe out.”</p><p>Remus did, shuddering with the wealth of feeling.</p><p>“And in.”</p><p>He did, a big one, but then had to groan as Sirius used it to wiggle his hand out. He felt wrecked, but his hole was still convulsing.</p><p>“Such a good boy for me, just on your back now and let me hold you.”</p><p>Remus let himself be rearranged, felt his behind contract and twitch, same as his dick. The thought that Sirius might still want him like this, that Sirius would want to hold him after he had been all used up was completely overwhelming.</p><p>His bum hurt when it pressed against the soaked sheets underneath and he hiccoughed and tried to rub away tears or sweat or snot from his face, feeling as unattractive as he had ever felt. Sirius was all over him and he couldn’t hide.</p><p>Soon Sirius was holding his head in both hands and Remus grabbed hold of his shoulders and clung to him as best he could, his wiry fingers finding place between well-developed, sweat-drenched muscles. He thought he felt more of Sirius than himself. He panted into Sirius’s mouth, gave him the very air in his lungs. Sirius’s mouth gaped wide over his, slick tongue caressing between Remus’s bottom lip and lower teeth. His nose dug into Remus’s cheek and some eyelashes fluttered across Remus’s brow. And Sirius’s big hands kept his whole head, caressed his jaw, ran fingers through untidy curls and scraped away at his scalp.  </p><p>Remus exhaled the very last bit of oxygen he had when one of Sirius’s hands moved over his throat. His neck stretched itself taut, pressed back against Sirius’s hand, and it really was almost like getting strangled. Remus rutted up with the kind of desperation only a dying man would exhibit, and his overworked muscles brought him to a rush of climax again. Love or death, who could tell? The last bit of his remaining consciousness told him Sirius’s hand was back in his hair, raw lips meeting Remus’s and shushing him.</p><p>He came to with Sirius’s body next to him rather than on top. Sirius held his hand and lapped the apple of his cheek, and he realized he was crying. </p><p>“’M not… ’M good.”</p><p>Sirius paused his licking, squeezed his hand.</p><p>“You’re very good.”</p><p>Remus closed his eyes and felt two more heavy, scorching tears leave them. His body felt like lead, only the type of lead that might one day grow wings and learn to fly. Sirius’s lips were right underneath his eye, mouthing over the thinnest, most sensitive skin he had. </p><p>“Intense,” Remus said thickly.</p><p>“Too intense.”</p><p>“No, I… Jus’ righ’ f’r t’day.”</p><p>Sirius’s thumb stroked a wet lock of hair away from Remus’s forehead. Then he was kissed there, tiny featherlight things, moving in a line along his hairline. Every nerve ending in Remus’s body wanted to protest, only it felt too good. Too intense, maybe, but still all good. Remus felt his hips jerk reflexively, felt how truly sore that whole area was. Sirius stopped and moved down to his mouth instead. Pressed in and exuded puffs of hot air. Didn’t kiss, didn’t move away. Stayed in place and touched and breathed, together.</p><p>It was sweaty and crusty and disgusting, their bodies and their bedsheets, and Remus was beyond grateful that Sirius didn’t try to move him, that he made no attempt to get out of bed. Just laid there, just held Remus, with their lips touching. The sheets were cooling, but Sirius was warm. He could sleep like this, surely, and maybe Sirius could, too. Remus had a feeling that Sirius wouldn’t sleep, even if he could. That he would stay awake and watch over Remus until he was himself again. Maybe touch his heart and his lungs while he slept, like the guard dog he was. Keeping watch over what the dog thought was vital, what the dog thought was his.</p><p>“I want to keep you,” Remus got out, brain still in a daze but with the comfort of Sirius right there.</p><p>“You get to keep me,” Sirius promised immediately. </p><p>“I’m going to keep you.”</p><p>Remus closed his eyes and let himself be held.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>More aftercare in the next part.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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